"Jesus, Gentleness and Me"
Come to me, all you who are weary and find life burdensome, and I will refresh you. Learn from me
for I am gentle and humble of heart.” Mt 11:29
In some recent translations of this famous text from Matthew’s Gospel, I noticed that gentle is
translated by the word “meek.” In reviewing recent dictionaries of American English for the word “meek”
I have found definitions of this word to be “wimpish” or “spineless.” While I certainly empathize with
those doing translations, I have to come to realize that with meanings of words changing so fast, today,
it is important for those of us who proclaim the Gospel by our lives and sometimes by our word, that we
proclaim it with clarity.
Sadly, I believe, it is because certain words take on different meanings, that the word “meek” needs to
be translated as “gentle” or at least that we make clear what we mean. It is also my contention that because
of this confusion, one of the virtues specifically mentioned by Jesus, is given short shrift either in
thought or in the spiritual lives of our people today. Yet, if the Lord Himself recommends it, should we
not take it more seriously?
St. Francis de Sales, who struggled with anger in his own life, realized the importance of this virtue if one
is to live an authentic Christian life. For him, this virtue along with other “little” virtues like obedience,
simplicity and humility found a firm foundation on which one could build a spiritual life. These virtues often
taken for granted by the worldly, or for that matter even despised, form the foundation on which the great
virtue of love can be founded.
While these other “little virtues” may need to be addressed more fully as well, it is gentleness that I
wish to concentrate on. St. Francis de Sales says in the third part of his great spiritual classic,
“Gentleness predisposes us to our neighbor.” It would seem then, to understand gentleness, we should
begin here.
Gentleness toward our neighbor.
Gentleness toward our ourselves.
Gentleness toward our God.
Gentleness Toward Our Neighbor
>As mentioned, Francis de Sales says, “Gentleness predisposes us toward our neighbor.” While this might
sound like a nice quote, I believe it is also a great challenge to anyone wishing to advance in the spiritual
life. I do not believe any advance is possible without taking to heart the words of Jesus, “Learn from Me,
for I am gentle and humble of heart.”
But, as one of my professors in Philosophy taught me years ago, “When framing your argument, always define
your terms.” I have already pointed out a little of what gentleness means. I say little for this whole work
is hopefully a means by which we can grasp the meaning of gentleness not only intellectually but also in
the very depth of our heart where all virtue resides or at least should by the grace of God.
So for now, let us move on to the word neighbor. When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was,
He responded with the traditional summation of the law by saying, “Love the Lord your God with your whole
heart, with your whole soul, and with your whole strength.” But He did not stop there. He reached way into
Leviticus (19:18) and raised up a commandment among many and put it on a par with the First Commandment.
“You shall love your neighbor as yourself” He goes so far as to say, “On these two commandments, the
whole law and the prophets are based.”
Like gentleness, He emphasizes another word for our mediation and contemplation, NEIGHBOR.
It would seem from perusing English dictionaries from the last thirty years that we at the end of this
second millennium are still struggling with a true understanding of the word NEIGHBOR. Even dictionaries
of spirituality, at least in the Catholic tradition, would rather speak about neighborly love rather than
neighbor.
Perhaps with the lawyer of the Gospel, we are still uncomfortable with this word. Yet, Jesus places this
word in a very prominent position when it comes to our relationship with God.
From what I have gathered from my reading, this word “neighbor” etymologically comes from the Greek
meaning nigh or near. The first definition gives to this word in most dictionaries is one who lives near
or next to another, generally in some physical sense. It is only when one goes further down in any of
the definitions that I have seen that the word “neighbor” is used for a fellow human being.
On a spiritual level, I find myself asking whether we have fully understood how Jesus has defined this
word for us. And if we have, do we put into practice by being gentle toward our neighbor? The implications
of this are astounding for the spiritual life and to a relationship with Christ. For how can I practice
the virtue of gentleness toward my neighbor if I do not know who my neighbor is? How can I fulfill the
greatest commandment if I have not made my own that which Jesus has made His own? How could I dare to
say that I fulfill all the Lord asks of me if I do not know toward whom my love should be directed?
What audacity!
Too often, I believe, we have allowed the societies in which we live to define our terms for us. As a
regular rule, this is good, for it helps us to clearly communicate with each other. However, from time
to time, we take the definitions of our words from our societies, so as to give ourselves a loophole to
get out of our own responsibility. Legal definitions of course do this all the time. That is important
for them to make themselves clear or to help their clients. Should we in spirituality not strive to be
as clear with our words, especially when Jesus has specifically defined it for us? No, not for a
dictionary but for our hearts! And perhaps, realizing how easy it is for us to seek loopholes, He
explains not by a dictionary definition but by a parable.
We find in chapter 10 of St. Luke’s Gospel that the man asking Jesus what to do to inherit eternal life
was not just a lawyer, but a scholar of the law. He was one who knew the law and knew the value of words.
Luke tells us that this lawyer’s question was not to seek truth but to test Jesus. Do we not do the same
when we play word games with words like neighbor?
And so we are told by Luke that this scholar of the law wanted to justify himself and so he asks Jesus,
“And who is my neighbor?”
Jesus forces the lawyer and us to mediate and contemplate what He says of neighbor. In other words, if
I am to take Jesus seriously, I must take what He says of neighbor and let it permeate my heart. This
will lead me not only to know my neighbor, but to treat him or her as Jesus teaches us. It will lead
us to love our neighbor and, yes, to be gentle toward our neighbor. It is clear that Jesus’ answer to
this scholar of the law is intended to lead us to do just that, love our neighbor and be gentle toward
him or her as the Gentle Heart of Jesus would want us to. So with our hearts, let us listen to what He,
who is our Gentle Friend, has to say.
Jesus replied, “A man fell victim to robbers as he went down from Jerusalem to Jericho. They stripped
him, and beat him and went off leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down that road,
but when he saw him, he passed by on the opposite side. Likewise, a Levite came to the place, and when
he saw him, he passed on the opposite side. But a Samaritan traveler who came upon him was moved with
compassion at this sight. He approached the victim, poured oil and wine over his wounds and bandaged
then. Then he lifted him on his own animal, took him to an inn and cared for him. The next day he took
out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper with the instruction, “Take care of him. If you
spend more than what I have given you, I shall repay you on my way back. Which of these in your
opinion was neighbor to the robbers’ victim?” (Lk 10:29-36)
“The one who treated him with mercy” was the reply.
Implications for Gentleness
Jesus tells this scholar of the Law, “Go and do likewise.”
The implication seems clear. To be a neighbor, one must act like a neighbor. One must, moved by the grace
of God, go out of one’s way, physically, maternally, spiritually, to respond to the needs of another. It
is clear from the parable that this must be done even if the other is one who is our enemy and/or who
disagrees with us. We know from various sources both in the Gospels and outside of them that the Jews
and Samaritans were enemies who harbored a deep distrust for one another. Yet, we find Jesus, a good
Jew, using a Samaritan as the example for a good neighbor. For a Christian, it is not enough to say I
am near to a person, or if I am of the same race, gender or faith, to say that I am a neighbor. In this
one parable Jesus shatters our comfortable notions of who is my neighbor!
Today, we live in areas where we do not even know who our next door neighbor is. Still, we use the word
neighbor for them. We move on vast highways without even knowing who is in the car next to us. We move on
vast transit systems, shoulder to shoulder, not knowing who is standing next to us.
In short, we pass by people in our lives no less than the priest and Levite. We comfortably pass them with
all our prejudices, our distance, our suspicions, our hearts.
In the spiritual life, being a neighbor cannot be just physical nearness. Being a neighbor in the sense to
which Christ calls us, is to act. Moved by what we have learned from the Heart of Christ, being a neighbor
demands that we show mercy and are gentle toward the other.
The Good Samaritan showed not only mercy but a spirit of gentleness when he stops and binds up the wounds of
the injured man. It was not even enough to throw this man on his beast and take him to an inn where he could
be cared for. No! It was essential that he do this in a spirit of gentleness. The Samaritan responded in
that present moment, gently to the one in need.
Gentleness comes from a word meaning one of high birth. How much higher can our birth be than to have God
as our Father and Jesus as our Brother. It has been understood that one who comes from high birth cannot
act in ordinary ways. They are to be gentle and are to show by their actions that they are courteous and
kind. Sadly, it is often to people of their own class. But who is our class? For those who love Jesus and
wish to be like Him, the whole world is our class. This must include all persons regardless of race,
gender, creed or any other human made barrier. Did He not give His life for all? And did He not do this
lovingly?
Gentleness then is not just an outward way we carry ourselves, but more important, it is the power and
grace of Christ compelling us to love the other as He loves the other. It is a virtue by which our
interior peace can treat the other with a great sense of dignity. This does not mean that the gentle
person is to be a doormat. No, many times gentleness must be practiced with firmness. There are times
when the person, totally at peace within themselves, must fraternally correct; such as helping another
to see their errors or to speak out against injustice. The issue ,when it comes to gentleness, is not
that such things should not be done, but more importantly how are they done. And there must be a
consistency for this at all levels of our lives, less we become, like De Sales says, “Home devils
but town saints.” Or if we become convinced that we are doing the will of God when our actions lack
a gentle spirit, a spirit that flows from the Heart of Christ, Himself Some years ago, while teaching
in a large Catholic High School, I found that I had smugly fallen into this false attitude in doing
the will of God. I had always prided myself on the fact that I never raised my hand to any of my
students. One day, one of my sophomores had gotten out of line. After I had corrected him in front
of his peers, he said to me, “I wish you had hit me.” That night in prayer, I realized how much
words could hurt, and what the lack of a gentle spirit could do. The next day, I apologized to
the young man, not for correcting him, but for how I corrected him. Since I had embarrassed him
publicly, I felt he deserved a public apology and a spirit of gentleness from his teacher. I
would like to say he never acted up again. That would not be true. But the next time I corrected
him, it was in a better spirit. That day, I believe, it was I who was taught the lesson by the
Master Himself As Proverbs says “A gentle word turns away wrath.” (15:1)
Practical Applications of Proverbs 15:1
It is not enough for us to revel in one act of virtue. This can easily lead to pride. In writing to a
Carmelite nun, Francis de Sales wrote, “The habit of virtue is acquired by constant acts of virtue.” I
would go further and say that we, as followers of Christ are called not just to an act of virtue or even
the habit of virtue, but rather to a spirit of virtue. In living such a spirit we put on Christ and are
able to “Live Jesus” as De Sales would say. St. Paul wrote, “It is now no longer I who live, but Christ
who lives in me.”
In applying this to our everyday lives it would seem that a spirit of gentleness, as taught by Jesus, finds
its first test when one is confronted with anger.
I have yet to meet someone who does not feel that their anger was at first justified. Perhaps, this is
the reason why so many saints and spiritual writers warn about harboring anger of any kind. If one is not
careful, how easy anger becomes the master even over those with the best of intentions. Even zeal can
become anger if one does not walk with a gentle spirit.
The Scripture warns not to let the sun go down on your anger. It does not distinguish between justified
or unjustified anger. Too often, the Scriptures are used to justify one’s anger such as to use of the
example of Jesus driving the money changers from the Temple. If one can use the example then they must
hear Him speak from the gentleness of His Heart, “Love your enemies. Do good to those who persecute you.”
If one is not careful, anger will appear in all sorts of circumstances. It can come when correcting another,
especially children. It can come when driving or even when you are alone. If there is any time that De
Sales advice of “gently but firmly” should be used, it is when anger appears.
Discussions today on abuse of children and aggressive driving all seem to start with an insistence on
being right and failing to be gentle. Harboring such thoughts can lead to anger.
But anger is not the only emotion that gets out of control due to a lack of gentleness, there
is also pride.
Pride arises when one refuses to give in to the other. Pride comes in when we are not gentle and
are not “predisposed toward our neighbor.”
There are many other ways when gentleness becomes the forgotten virtue. Suffice it to say, that
when we think more of ourselves and less of our neighbor we are not practicing gentleness.
St. Francis de Sales who has become known as the gentle-man saint of paradise, was accustomed to
say, “the spirit of gentleness is the true Christian spirit. In his mind, he felt that at times
it was far better to keep silent then to angrily respond to one’s neighbor. We are told that on
receiving an offensive letter, he remarked, “I should not dare answer such a thing, and prefer
God to speak to this heart Himself and make His holy will known to it.”
In another place he says, “I find no better remedy for the contradictions that we meet, than not
to speak of them, to act as if we did not notice them and to meet with great mildness (gentleness)
those who have injured us.”
When we read such remarks it is easy to dismiss De Sales and say that he was a saint. But, in order
to become that saint he had to struggle to overcome his faults and his failings, including anger as
I mentioned before. In denouncing the biographers of his time, he made this point when he said, “We
do no harm to the saints of God when in recounting their virtue, we never forget to recount their
vices, for it was by overcoming such vices that these saints achieve their virtue."
So, is it possible to achieve such virtue and to practice gentleness as Jesus intended? I would say
“yes~~ for how could this Gentle Friend have taught us to learn from Him this gentleness, if He did
not mean it or if He knew that it was not possible? Is it easy to achieve such virtue? Now, that is
another question. For to practice gentleness, will mean embracing the cross, even at the hardest
times with a gentle spirit.
It is at this point that many will turn away as if to say this is all too hard a saying for us.
But for the one who truly wishes to learn from the Heart of Christ, they must be willing to love
and the more they love the more they will seek to accomplish the will of Him whom they love. As
in the Songs of Songs, they will say, “I have found Him Whom my heart loves and I will not let Him
go.” And in order to accomplish this, they will do all He asks of them. Not least among those things
this Friend asks is that we be gentle. Why do I say “not least.” Because He specifically calls us to
this virtue when He calls us to learn from His Heart.
Love inflames the heart so much and fills it with so much grace that it will drive us to do what He
Who loves us wants us to do. As St. Paul says, “The love of Christ urges us on.” What seems impossible
to men or women is not impossible for God. So to those who bear the name Christian, should we not
respond to His gentle love with a gentle love and should this not be lived out in how we “live Jesus”
for our neighbor as well as for ourselves? In other words, should we not learn to “live Jesus” with a
gentle spirit!
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