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By Fr. John Crossin, OSFS |
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What Does God Want Me to Do?
The Question of Discernment #10
If you have persevered in reading this lengthy series of essays, congratulations! You are a patient and persevering person. Hopefully, some of the examples I have given will be helpful to you in deciding your life’s direction. I conclude with a few practical suggestions.
I think that eventually you have to decide. No one can decide for you. I have suggested that you consult your spiritual friends. Realize that they, even though they know you well, might offer conflicting advice. Ultimately, you must decide; the decision is yours!
It is important to decide in a timely fashion. Discernment is a process that leads to a prudential conclusion. I referred to this earlier as 90% probability. Absolute certainty is a rarity. You can miss the moment if you wait to be absolutely sure. There is no need to be a professional discerner around one decision.
I advise others to do what I do myself: Write it down. Go through all the criteria discussed in the previous nine essays and write down your thoughts on each one. Writing gets thoughts out of “the swirl in your head” and makes them concrete.
Years ago I was trying to discern God’s will on applying to be president of DeSales School of Theology. I had lots of advice and data—some of it conflicting. That year I was heading to a professional meeting in Atlanta. On the flight, I wrote down all the pros and cons. When I walked off the plane in Atlanta, I knew that I would apply.
Such decisions are not “all or nothing.” There was not guarantee that I would be selected president—though I was. A decision to join the Oblates is the beginning of a process, not its conclusion. There will be several opportunities—some required by the church—to examine you discernment once again.
I do, however, think that it is well to start with confidence that this is the right path. As in all vocations, there will be ups and downs, disappointment and encouragement. It helps to have some momentum starting out—having worked through a process like the one I have described here. Your initial attitude will affect your perseverance.
I believe that eventually discernment should become your way of life—no matter what path you choose after reading these essays. In discernment, we seek to find God’s will. I think that this should be characteristic of all the major personal decisions we make in life. I also think that it should be characteristic of decision-making in churches and in families.
Embracing discernment is part of the process of giving all of our life to God. No matter what our vocation this is the challenge. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can continue to say yes.
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By Fr. John Crossin, OSFS |
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What Does God Want Me to Do?
The Question of Discernment #9
When I joined the Oblates in September of 1965, I experienced a six-week period of consolation in prayer. This was a good inner feeling when I prayed and tried to meditate. I took this experience as a confirmation of my choice to enter the community.
Then this feeling disappeared. I went back to my normal self—sometimes attentive at prayer and sometimes distracted.
Consolation in prayer can be a sign of what God wants us to do. But, it is an elusive one. It is best weighed in conjunction with the other signs we have already discussed in these essays.
As I write this essay, there is some publicity surrounding Mother Teresa of Calcutta. She had consolation in prayer when she was founding the Missionaries of Charity. But a recent book of her letters shows that for several decades afterward, she experienced God as far away. The length of her desolation is beyond the normal, yet in shorter timeframes the experience is a common one.
Such experiences can lead us to a deeper humility. We are totally dependent on God. We are not in control of our dialogue in prayer. Part of coming to maturity is learning to ‘let go’ of our need to ‘be in charge’ or to ‘feel good.’
Consolation in prayer as a sign of God’s will is hard to get a handle on. Some people never have this inner good feeling. Others have it occasionally. Studies on priests indicate that the majority of priests occasionally feel close to God. This often happens at the Eucharist.
I vividly remember the closing mass for a Cursillo weekend several years ago. The mass was held in a parish gym—hardly the most beautiful place. But the people there, who filled almost every seat, were beautiful. They all were singing the opening hymn as we processed down the aisle between the folding chairs. I felt Christ present there in a special way. As the Celebrant, I tried to pray that Eucharist with the utmost devotion—inspired by the goodness and love of the community gathered together.
The spiritual point most frequently made in regard to such consolations is that we are seeking ‘the God of consolations’ rather than the ‘consolations of God.’ We want to be one with Jesus—to get to know Him and His message. If, as we do this, we are joyful and at peace, so much the better. If, as often happens, we are somewhat distracted and only absorb half of the meaning of a parable, this is not unexpected. We do our best in the present moment.
Our attachment must be to a regular life of prayer—no matter how we feel at a particular moment. Nowadays, we say that ‘we are our bodies.’ Sometimes we are tired or have varied aches and pains, yet we push through this to pray as we can with the community of believers. Sometimes, even after all these years, I do not feel like getting up early to pray, but I do so anyhow. God can be speaking to us when we are tired or have a headache—not just when we feel good.
A key element in discernment is this regularity in prayer. In particular, you might be praying daily about your ‘call’ or ‘vocation.’ God might answer at the most unusual times—as far as we can see.
The point here is that God does not see as we see. God is not confined by our preconceptions of how He can act. We all have been on the spiritual journey of life. We have been shaped by certain experiences.
Recently, I read a short article by a well-known Catholic lawyer. He was extolling his experience of the transcendence of God in the Latin mass of the 1940’s and ‘50s. I asked myself why I, who grew up in Philadelphia in the ‘50s and served many a Latin mass, favor the Eucharist in English.
I recall that my Father, a daily Mass go-er, preferred the Mass in English—especially since he had never studied Latin. I also recall that I was one of the first lectors in St. Jerome’s parish. Thus, my own experiences with Dad and with the local parish influenced me.
The point here is that each of us is shaped by his or her own experiences. These are important and necessary. But, we should not think that they give us the only way to God. The Mystery of God is, as St. Paul tells us, beyond our complete comprehension. Thus, we need to be open in prayer to how God might act—sometimes in ways beyond our previous experiences.
God may give you consolation in prayer as your discern your vocation. Most probably you will have this sort of positive experience at some point. If this happens, thank God. If it does not, thank God.
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By Fr. John Crossin, OSFS |
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What Does God Want Me to Do?
The Question of Discernment #8
Another often-unnoticed virtue that is very important in discernment is obedience.
Perhaps we do not think much about obedience because in American culture we emphasize freedom. This certainly means political freedom. In recent decades, some have interpreted freedom as ‘freedom to do what I want’ or even ‘freedom to do what I feel like.’
This recent interpretation is in contrast to the Christian freedom taught in the New Testament. Jesus has freed us from sin and death. He has freed us to do the good. At times, we do not feel like doing the good. But, we try to do it anyhow.
I think that you and I are part of American culture. We may be, consciously or unconsciously, allowing the current cultural definition to influence us—and sometimes to move us away from the Gospel teaching.
In these essays, we have been reflecting on discernment. We are seeking God’s will so that we can obey it. We freely choose to follow God’s call to us. We know God’s will in a variety of ways. We find it in the Scriptures—with special emphasis on the New Testament.
Francis de Sales urges us to meditate on the Gospel message. In his Introduction to the Devout Life he offers several meditations based on the Scriptures. As Oblates, we spend a lifetime reflecting on the Scriptures, trying to understand and to live them.
As Catholic Christians, we believe that the Holy Spirit has continued to work in history. Thus, we value Tradition. Tradition is not local customs such as the use of holy water, kneeling at mass, or prayers on particular days. Tradition is embodied in the decisions of ecumenical councils as expressed in the great Creeds and doctrinal definitions [e.g. Jesus is both God and man]. It expresses the community’s judgment of where the Spirit has been guiding us in our belief.
I believe that we need to meditate on the Tradition as well. Our most recent effort to capture the Tradition is the United States Catholic Catechism for Adults put out by the Catholic Bishops’ Conference [2006]. As we read this book prayerfully, we immerse ourselves in the Tradition.
When we read this Catechism, we see the Scriptural teaching presented at length. Scripture and Tradition are not two but one. To me, it is like space and time. We experience them as separate—but Einstein has shown us that they are related. Physicists now speak of Space-time. We might speak of Scripture-Tradition!
By prayerfully immersing ourselves in the Scriptures and the Tradition, we prepare for good discernment. We are gradually being formed as Christians.
Immersed in these two authorities that are one in the Holy Spirit, we can move toward obedience. While we could speak of obedience to the bishops and the pope as they are rooted in Scripture and Tradition, it will be more profitable for our purposes to discuss local authority and obedience. This is what affects us the most.
Each of us has some authority. We have authority based on our knowledge or our position. We serve as authorities to colleagues or to children. We might examine ourselves as to how we exercise the authority we have and how we respond to the authority of others. Our own practice of authority and response to authority might give us an indication as to how we will respond to church authority.
In religious life and in the Oblates in particular we have authority. The Provincial Superior has authority. So do those he appoints to local positions such as Superior of the community.
In Salesian teaching, authorities are to act with gentleness and humility toward all. They are to seek God’s will. Those of us who profess a vow of obedience give them assent—and the benefit of the doubt. We presume that, in very important matters, God can and does speak to us through authorities.
As you are moving forward in discernment then, you might listen carefully to those authorities that God has put in your path to help in the process. They are engaging in a process of discernment themselves as they seek to be of assistance.
I should mention that sometimes God speaks to us through the most unlikely people. A person who is not like us at all--or even an opponent--might speak the truth to us. Our search for God’s will occasionally yields unlikely sources. I think of this as part of ‘God’s sense of humor.’ He sometimes challenges our preconceptions.
The virtue of obedience is, in Salesian teaching, an important aspect in searching for God’s will and living it out. We form our minds and hearts by meditating on Scripture and the Tradition. We obey God’s will as it comes to us through the discernment of others who hold positions of authority over us.
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By Fr. John Crossin, OSFS |
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What Does God Want Me to Do?
The Question of Discernment #7
We Oblates live the community life of a religious congregation. This is a major part of our lives. Good discernment will take this into account.
In seeking God's will, you might want to take a look at your experience of community. Is your family your primary community? Have you experienced other types of communities-at school or through your work or in your parish or through some renewal movement? How have these communities influenced you and helped you to become the person you are today?
The communities we have experienced can vary considerably. The habits and attitudes we have developed in these communities can affect our expectations of Oblate community life. These expectations can influence our decision-making, our discernment of whether we are called to affiliate ourselves with Oblate religious life.
Oblate life is normally lived in community. I hasten to add that this community is not a family--though in some moments of rhetorical eloquence (when preaching) I might refer to it as a family or "our Oblate family." We are not related to each other-and our living together involves both closeness and distance.
A religious community embraces a distinctive way of life. It embodies a set of common practices.
- We pray together-celebrating the Liturgy of the Hours and the Eucharist daily.
- We take our meals together and live a common life. We each have regular responsibilities within the community.
- We live the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience.
- We serve together-especially in education, parish ministry, and missions.
- We grow together spiritually according to the Spiritual Directory of St. Francis de Sales as interpreted by our founder Father Louis Brisson.
This is an extremely brief summary of a complex reality. One has to live the life to come, gradually, to understand it.
In practice, Oblate life requires certain virtues. In community, we relate to one another. We are neither diocesan priests nor Carthusians--both of whom embrace a more individually oriented way of life. Thus, for us friendliness, an ability to be with other people, is necessary.
Relating to one another requires flexibility. We are all different. Each community member has certain habits and even eccentricities. When I was first in community life, Father Tom Walsh advised a group of us: "You don't talk to some men in the morning until after their first cup of coffee or even until after breakfast. They need to be left alone." This was very good advice. I am a "morning person," but other men are not.
In the context of living a life together, we respect the dignity of each person. We try to practice the virtue of gentleness, a characteristic virtue of St. Francis de Sales, with each other. This virtue helps to smooth out our rough edges--over time.
Good humor and friendliness generally characterize Oblate life. Yet, we always need to allow space for personal privacy and some solitude. DeSales himself longed for more solitude in his life. Privacy is important when you live with one another and are not family members.
Over the years, I have occasionally heard our Province compared to Noah's ark. We have so many different personalities and interests that we seem to have "two of everything." Certainly, the personalities differ widely.
As I remarked in an earlier essay, I sometimes say to those interested in joining our community-'you'll fit in well.' There is a great diversity. Sometimes, especially in moments of exasperation, we think-'why did God invite him?' The answer is that God has called each of us deliberately. That is why we are here.
We follow the Salesian life. We seek to support one another. We give up some of our freedom to be part of this community. Paradoxically, we are the most free of all people. It is Christ who sets us free. We seek to accept the grace He offers us in the Holy Spirit. We carry Christ's message to the people that we meet each day in our ministry.
We live our lives in service to others. We seek to be generous in this service. Jesus emptied Himself [Philippians 2:1-11], and so do we.
We root our daily lives deeply in prayer. Saint Francis de Sales and Father Brisson instruct us to pray always. We bring this prayerful attitude to our work. Even when we are extremely busy, we glance toward Christ from time to time. We are following Him.
Good discernment must deal with the particular difference of the alternatives. Oblates live a special form of community life. This will be an important factor in discerning God's will for your life.
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By Fr. John Crossin, OSFS |
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What Does God Want Me to Do?
The Question of Discernment #6
Reconciliation and healing take time.
The virtue of humility, the topic of our last essay, leads clearly to this next topic. The humble person is willing to admit to personal weaknesses and sins that have been or still are in need of healing. We can't live in this world without a certain amount of negative experience-and the scars that go with it. There is no avoiding the 'bumps and bruises' of life. Other people have hurt us. We have hurt others ourselves. We ourselves are sinners in need of God's grace.
Admitting that we have been hurt or that we have sinned can be difficult. Admitting that we drank too much and then endangered others by driving home, for example, may be hard to do. We may just want to forget the whole thing.
We may also want to forget-or even deny to ourselves-that we have been hurt by others and are in need of healing. Neglectful parents or harsh teachers can have quite a negative impact on us when we are young. We can carry the hurts around in our minds, and avert to them only on rare occasions.
The negative incidents can influence our present behavior. And, of course, they can influence our discernment of God's will. We Oblates tend to look at a candidate's openness to healing processes. We know that everyone is in need of healing. We also know that, for some people, the process can take a long time. In fact, I believe that in this life we will always be seeking deeper healing in some area of our lives.
A willingness to ask for God's power to touch us and a willingness to keep working at healing processes are necessary for our spiritual growth. They also are necessary for community life and for ministry to others.
Community life is good, but it is not perfect. Any person who perseveres in religious life-because it is life-- will accumulate some wounds. We Oblates do not expect our candidates to be perfect, but we do expect them to use the processes for healing and reconciliation that are available to us.
I will mention some of these processes:
God heals some of us in prayer. In quiet prayer, we can allow (sometimes the Spirit nudges us) the hurt/sin to come to the surface of our consciousness. We offer it to God. We pray for healing. And, sometimes we have a profound sense that God has worked within us.
God can heal us through our reading of the inspired Word of Scripture. Over the last 30 years, many people have reported to me that the "right passage" that spoke to their situation "leapt off the page." They had a profound experience of God's grace.
God can heal us through other people. Sometimes just recounting the story to a spiritual friend can be enough to put the situation in the correct perspective and begin a healing process. Occasionally the spiritual friend offers just the right healing advice that clears up the problem.
Catholics have the great power of the Sacrament of Reconciliation for healing life's hurts. I have experienced the process from both sides. As a penitent, I have felt this healing power in my life. As a confessor, I have seen the small "miracles" of divine grace. People in the various parishes where I have helped or on retreats where I have heard confessions have told me later that God healed them in the Sacrament. I was surprised that they told me this-they were under no obligation. God's grace healed them from tremendous burdens.
I have found the working of divine grace awe-inspiring. At times I have heard myself speaking words to the penitent about topics I have not thought of in years! God is good.
Healing and reconciliation can take place very powerfully through the Eucharist. At Mass, we ask explicitly for divine mercy at the very beginning. Later, we note our unworthiness to receive Christ into our hearts. The presence of Christ in our hearts can heal the deepest fissures.
Many healings are not instantaneous. Sin is forgiven. But the habit or the hurt is still there and takes some time to fade. Likewise, reconciliation with those from whom we have been estranged may take quite awhile-or may even occur in the next life. I think that we should ask for healing every day. We always have something to work on. We can always use the help of God's grace. We should ask for it.
Effectiveness in discernment depends on humbly asking for healing. As we are always people in need we are always asking for healing grace so that we cam make a good discernment of the divine will.
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By Fr. John Crossin, OSFS |
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What Does God Want Me to Do?
The Question of Discernment #5
Humility is a virtue that helps us to see clearly. Humility helps us in making good decisions.
One of my favorite Scripture passages is Paul's letter to the Philippians 2:1-11. It speaks of Jesus humbling Himself for our salvation.
If there is any encouragement in Christ, any solace in love, any participation in the Spirit, any compassion and mercy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, with the same love, united in heart, thinking one thing.
Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but (also) everyone for those of others.
Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also yours in Christ Jesus, Who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped.
Rather, he emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and found human in appearance, he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.
Because of this, God greatly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
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As we seek to discern the divine will, we humble ourselves, as did Jesus. In this passage from Philippians we see that:
- Christ is the Servant. We are seeking to be like Him.
- He emptied Himself.
- As humans we need security and identity. Our faith can be an anchor amidst the storms of life. Such faith can be very consoling. Yet, this is not all there is to faith.
- In my first year of the seminary, when I was just beginning the Oblate life in the novitiate house at Childs, Maryland, I realized that this life was about giving everything to God. This was a profound and frightening insight. I still am coming to grips with its implications 40 years later. I realize now that faith can not only be consoling but challenging.
- I realize now that giving ourselves to God is a lifelong process. It is not accomplished in a few days or months. As we come to greater maturity, we have opportunities to give ourselves to God more deeply.
- Jesus shows us a humility that, in obedience, works to the good of others over personal concerns. While we may begin with more self-concern than concern for others, we are to end up with more self-forgetfulness as we seek to love our neighbor.
- Jesus gives us the example of self-giving service-St. Paul is urging the Philippians to do the same rather than merely pushing their own agendas in the community.
We ourselves need this humility of Christ and we need to ask for it. What is it that we are asking for? Humility is realism. We have talents and gifts, and so do others. We need to identify our gifts. These come from God.
In discussing humility in his Introduction to the Devout Life, Francis de Sales reflects on the gratitude that we should have for the gifts that God has given us. Our lives can become permeated with gratitude and thus with joy. Humility is joyful.
We also need to identify our limitations. We do not have all the gifts. Others have these gifts. All the gifts are to build up the Body of Christ, which is the church. These others are with us in following Christ and we rely on them. We don't know everything-and we don't have to! Yet, we all have a bit of Adam in us. We want to be in control, or at least have others think that we are in control. We can have a 'reluctant humility'.
Sometimes I do not want to admit my mistakes-or that I might have something to learn.
- After all I have been a priest for over 30 years and should have learned most things by now!
- Sometimes, however, I make mistakes in ministry. I say the wrong things or am frustrated. I do not serve others well.
- Others expect to see Christ in us. And, they see much less than they might
These mistakes have to be given over to God. Christ's power can heal their effects.
We are all sinners. If you discern that God is calling you to enter the Oblate way of life, you will bring both your gifts and your limitations. God loves us and heals our brokenness and sinfulness. We are a group of people seeking to follow Christ. We are nowhere near perfect. I sometimes jest with others: 'You will fit right in!'
Ultimately, as we consider humility, we are confronted with the mystery of God. We can say many true things about this mystery. We can find these truths in the teachings of the Ecumenical Councils of the church. (These are compiled in such places as the United States Catholic Catechism for Adults from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.)
Yet as I have gotten older, I have come to realize even more the limitations of human understanding. We are encountering the mystery of God. We can always understanding this mystery more deeply. And we, as DeSales teaches, can always love God more completely. We do not fully understand the humility of Jesus, His emptying of Himself for our salvation. Yet through the guidance of the Holy Spirit we have learned a few things.
We can learn from the Jesus who humbled Himself in making our discernment of the right path. In the Spirit, let us ask for a deeper sharing in the virtue of humility.
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By Fr. John Crossin, OSFS |
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What Does God Want Me to Do?
The Question of Discernment #4
Inner peace and joy is a sign that we are following God's will.
In today's world, many people are seeking what a friend once called "a little peace of mind." The rapid pace and the stresses of life leave us "frazzled" and looking for some inner tranquility.
St. Francis de Sales in his writings says a great deal about inner peace. I find this part of his writing particularly attractive. It was one of the things that drew me to join the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales years ago.
I have been privileged to know a few people who have this peace. When I am around them I have it too, but when I leave it gradually disappears. Sometimes, I have a deeper inner peace myself.
DeSales encourages us to ask God for this peace. It is a gift of the Holy Spirit, a grace. We, for our part, cooperate with this grace. St. Francis offers very practical instructions to aid us in our cooperation. I continue to work on living out these practical elements.
When we operate out of this inner tranquillity our lives go better, we have fuller, richer lives. De Sales reminds us that anxiety spoils the very things that we are trying to do.
Francis de Sales suggests that:
- We might best do things in order, taking one thing at a time. This is the way I try to get through my cluttered desk!
- With work that really occupies us we can turn to God from time to time. I like to think of this as developing a 'contemplative attitude' in our daily lives.
- With work that is less occupying, we can pray during it. I find prayers of intercession for other fit in well with ordinary tasks such as pumping gas or waiting in line.
In the context of DeSales' practical teaching about inner peace, we might approach the question of discernment about particular courses of action or our particular vocation.
The process involves thinking through the alternatives-in our case different ways of life. In article #3, I spoke of looking at the "data." Here, I would add using imagination to consider the alternatives. To explore the data and imagine the alternatives, we need some quiet time. This can be hard to get. We are so busy. And when we set aside some time, the phone rings or 'something that just can't wait' comes up.
Of course, we can consider things while we are driving to work, riding the subway, exercising, or mowing the lawn. But, we also need to carve out some regular undistracted quiet time to consider the alternatives. During this time, we are seeking to pay attention to the inner movements of the Holy Spirit.
When you are thinking about Oblate religious life and/or the Oblate priesthood and imagine living this way of life, how do you feel? Is there a peace and joy that accompany the thoughts and stick with you for awhile after you have them? Does this experience repeat itself?
If you regularly experience a certain feeling of peace in considering the Oblate life this is one important positive sign of the divine call. If you regularly experience coldness or indifference in thinking of this life, this is sign that you might belong somewhere else.
The key question: What stays with you over time? If it is inner peace and joy, you should be encouraged to move forward. This inner peace and joy doesn't stay forever, of course. As I mentioned above, it comes and goes in the course of life. But if it is regularly connected with the thought of the Oblate life, this is one positive sign of the work of the Holy Spirit.
Let me add at this point that the signs work together. The wise counsel of spiritual friends, the gathering of data or information, and attention to the inner movements of the Holy Spirit are all part of the discernment process. Christian Life is about giving everything to God. Our trust is in Him. Trust in God is at the root of inner peace.
The Holy Spirit will enable us to deal with the "ups and downs" of the day. In the Oblate life, things are not perfect. When we join the community, we bring our talents and gifts and our weaknesses as well. Things may not go perfectly, but we can rely on this divine aid.
If God is calling us to this way of life, then in choosing it we will be at peace. Choosing requires a certain amount of humility. Christ humbled Himself for our salvation, and we, in choosing to follow Him, will need to exercise humility as well. In the next article, we will consider this important Salesian virtue.
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By Fr. John Crossin, OSFS |
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What Does God Want Me to Do?
The Question of Discernment #3
To discern God's will, we need the help of friends. One thing that friends help us to do is to take a good look at the facts. This seems so obvious-but it can be ignored or minimized. I am referring to the reality that to make good decisions we need good information.
In a conversation several years ago, a middle-aged man talked to me about joining a religious community. He mentioned that one of his hesitations was in giving up or selling all that he had accumulated in his career. He seemed to think that he would have to do this immediately. Perhaps he had in the back of his mind those movie scenes where Francis of Assisi or some other saint instantaneously abandons everything to follow Christ.
He was relieved when I explained that religious communities usually have a time of candidacy and postulancy where people retain their goods. During these years, a prospective member lives in a religious community to see "if the fit is right."
Communities usually do not want candidates to dispose of their possessions. We Oblates of St. Francis de Sales fall into this category. Joining religious life is a gradual process where the individual and the community discern God's will. This works itself out over a period of years. There is time enough to deal with material possessions after the broader issues of the call to community life are explored.
I still remember my conversation with this man. It got me thinking about the preconceptions we all bring to the discernment process. He had a mistaken understanding, and I was happy to clarify the issue for him.
Thus it seems to me wise, whatever the discernment you are making is, to check the facts. Sometimes this is as simple as asking a question. For example, can one enter this religious community with outstanding student loans?
Gathering other data might take a bit more time. We Oblates of St. Francis de Sales follow the spirituality of St. Francis, St. Jane de Chantal, and our founder Father Louis Brisson [whom I hope will be officially named a saint some day]. If you might be considering our community it would be wise to read some of their writings to see the central thrust of our spirituality.
When I was a junior at Father Judge High School in Philadelphia, I went on a retreat during Holy Week at an Oblate retreat house. While a number of the other guys on retreat were playing pool or taking a walk during the breaks, I was reading the third part of St. Francis de Sales' Introduction to the Devout Life.
Usually I read books from beginning to end. But this time, finding the book in my room, I read the middle. It was exactly what I was looking for-and I spent all my free time reading it. This was one major factor in my own vocational discernment.
There are usually a number of factors that bear on our discernment. In addition to those I have just mentioned, there will be questions about our obligations to others. Family relationships come first to mind. The result of our discernment process may change our availability to family and friends. This can be an important consideration to be talked over and clarified with others during the process.
One caution about gathering information for our discernment-there can always be more data. If we wait for information on every contingency, we will be quite old or already in the grave!
In making such important decisions, we would like absolute certainty. But what we can attain is a reasonable assurance. I sometimes think of this as having 90% probability!
We are seeking God's will through a discernment process. In making decisions about jobs for example, we often have deadlines that we must meet. This limits the time for discernment. I often tell people that that they must make such decisions in the time available.
In discerning a life's direction, we need to make our decision in a reasonable amount of time. If we prolong the process, we may miss the moment given by God. Here, it helps to know ourselves-do we incline to decide too quickly or to procrastinate forever?
Unlike the business world, where the data--the bottom line--is the most important factor, discernment relies on the inner movement of the Holy Spirit. We need to clarify our information, the data for a decision, but more importantly we must look for the inner movements of the Spirit. This will be the topic of my next essay.
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By Fr. John Crossin, OSFS |
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What Does God Want Me to Do?
The Question of Discernment #2
To discern God's will we need to have some self-knowledge. This need not be perfect self-knowledge. But reflection on 'Who I Am' is important in coming to knowledge of God's will for me. Often I have found that my spiritual friends are most important in coming to know myself and in coming to know God's will.
Friends tell us the truth. One once told me that I could never be a missionary. He was absolutely right--as I knew the very moment he said it. I don't have the gifts needed for the ministry of a missionary. Clearly, then, I don't have the call to be a missionary.
Friends can speak God's word to us. Two Episcopalian colleagues asked me if I would consider becoming executive director of the Washington Theological Consortium, a group of Catholic and Protestant theological schools. After some consideration about the gifts, skills, and interests I had and what was needed for the ministry, I decided to say yes. It seemed to be God's will. I am now in my ninth year as director.
Friendship is hard to define. Most often we describe, rather than define, friendship. "We know it when we see it," the saying goes. Friendships cannot be planned. They are spontaneous. Often it is hard to say why they arise, yet they do take planning to keep them going.
Friendships vary in depth, intensity, and focus. They involve different levels of sharing. Not all revolve around serious topics. Some may focus on sports or music. We get together with these friends to go to the game or the concert. Some friends are colleagues at work. We share a common interest in our profession or occupation. We often talk about topics related to this work. But we rarely carry the relationship home.
Other people are the friends for a lifetime. My friend George and I grew up together. We always stayed in touch-several times a year. The first wedding I witnessed as a priest, thirty years ago, was that of George and his wife Jean. I baptized their children. I laughed at George's jokes. Last spring I conducted George's funeral for his family and friends. I still am in touch with Jean and the family.
Some friends are "spiritual friends." Usually such friends are few in number. They are the people we feel we can share our spiritual concerns with. Often I clarify my own thinking by sharing it with a spiritual friend. In speaking to someone, my thoughts have a way of moving out of their "jumble" into clarity.
Sometimes a friend will say: "Did you ever think of this aspect?" Usually it is something I forgot to consider. I rely on the wisdom of others. My spiritual friends remind me, for example, that I can only embrace so many projects at one time and should not overcommit myself.
One type of spiritual friendship is spiritual direction. To my mind, this differs from ordinary spiritual friendship in that it is a relationship of inequality. We seek a spiritual director for wisdom.
A spiritual director is a person who knows theology and the Christian tradition in a deeper way than we do. We meet the director on a regular basis, perhaps every month or two. The director asks us to look at our life of prayer, to examine what God might be saying to us. He or she helps us analyze our experience in light of the Gospel and the Tradition.
Spiritual direction is a fairly wide-ranging and deep relationship. Most Christians do not have a director. Yet the saints, such as Francis de Sales, recommend that we seek direction. I believe that every serious Christian will have spiritual friends. Here, there is a depth of relationship and a basic equality.
There is a strong emphasis on spiritual friendship in the Salesian tradition. In this way it differs from some other spiritualities. Saints Jane de Chantal and Francis de Sales were friends. They each had other spiritual friends as well. Spiritual friends urge us to be our best selves. They help us, by their encouragement and prayers, to grow in virtue-to become gentle, humble and loving, as was Christ.
Such friends encourage our friendship with God. When we don't feel like praying, their example and support is critical. They urge us to keep the lines of communication, in prayer, open.
Friendship is mutual. We encourage our spiritual friends as they encourage us. They help us to make good decisions. They aid us in discerning the inspirations of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
When my two Episcopalian friends encouraged me to become director of the Consortium, I asked others what they thought. One friend asked: "Why wouldn't you do it?" This was the key question.
Friends help us to take a close look at the data we have available to us in making decisions. Looking at the available information-the data-will be our next topic in this series of essays.
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By Fr. John Crossin, OSFS |
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What does God want me to do with my life? This question occurs repeatedly as we try to live the Christian life. It is not always an easy question to answer.
As a visitor to the Oblate website, I presume that you-or a close friend-may be asking this question. This essay and the nine that will follow this year are intended to help you with answering the question.
These essays will not offer an exhaustive treatment of discernment. But I think they will offer enough material for fruitful reflection and decision.1 They will focus on personal and not communal discernment.
I should begin by noting that while I speak here of 'discernment,' others might speak of the virtue of prudence or of wise judgment or of conscientious decisions. Discernment, prudence, wisdom, and conscience can all be distinguished from one another. I believe, however, that they overlap a great deal-and sometimes I will use the terms interchangeably.
The context for discernment is prayer. This is of utmost importance. We are seeking divine guidance. We most often seek guidance in personal and communal prayer. While most of my friends report coming to decisions in personal prayer, a Franciscan priest colleague told me that he discerned his lifelong commitment to work for Christian Unity at an ecumenical prayer service.
God often speaks to me at mass. The faith of the people gathered, the Scripture readings, the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist, or the internal movement of the Holy Spirit have all, at various times, pointed me toward the right decision.
Frequently, after I have been thinking about and trying to discern a direction, the Scripture reading for the mass will offer me a deeper insight into the question. This usually happens quickly. Sometimes I say to myself: Why didn't I think of that before?
Prayer involves both speaking and listening. We are listening for God's word, for the movement of the Holy Spirit in our lives. This may come in the time of prayer itself.
At other times, this may come in a flash of insight. Or, it may be that in a quiet time of prayer, we see a deeper meaning in previous events or conversations that we hadn't noticed at the time.
Prayer must be a constant. But, it can be hard to pray. External and internal noise can prevent us from listening to the Spirit.
Noise can surround us and prevent us from hearing. It can be the noise of the radio, TV or computer that is constantly 'on.' It can be the noise of over-scheduling-so we have no time to listen. We can all add many examples of external noise in today's world.
The noise that I would like to focus on is internal. We all have internal emotions that can hinder the discernment process.
We may be angry, for example. The anger may be the passing anger of an event. Perhaps someone cut us off on the freeway and this upsets us for the morning.
Anger could be deeper. In my 40 years as an Oblate, I have met a number of people who are angry because of their parents' divorce. They may be angry at their parents for divorcing. They also may have some anger at themselves or some guilt around not being able to prevent the divorce. It is important to factor in how much the anger, or other types of emotions, are playing into a decision.
The tumult of an event can still be very much alive in memory even though it is long over. It is good to be aware of the emotions within us that can affect our judgments.
More generally, it is good to know ourselves.
We all are affected by our upbringing. Even now, when I go back to Philadelphia to visit my mother, I see how much I am like her. I love to put things in order, for example, just like my Mom.
We all have our patterns of acting, our habits of living. I smile when I see how the parishioners at Annunciation parish where I help on Sundays tend always to sit in the same seats. We all have habitual ways of acting.
We all have characteristic ways of thinking. We are optimists or pessimists or somewhere in between. We are imaginative, logical or quick to judge.
We all have the scars of living. We are affected by traumatic events as well as by our own sins. We are in need of healing. Jesus offers His healing to us, not just to everyone else.
As we come to the discernment of God's will for us, it is good to be aware of the influences on our judgments. In knowing ourselves, we can make a clearer discernment of God's will in our lives.
A great help in discernment is discussion with our confessor, our spiritual director or our spiritual friend(s). Others often see us more clearly than we see ourselves. Spiritual Friendship will be the topic of the next essay.
(Fr. John Crossin, OSFS, is the executive director of the Washington Theological Consortium in D.C. He has worked in seminary formation ministry for many years, including his tenure as president of DeSales School of Theology.)
1 If you need to make a decision soon, you may want to consult Chapter VI entitled "Moral Discernment" in my book Walking in Virtue: Moral Decisions and Spiritual Growth in Daily Life [New York: Paulist Press, 1998], pages 61 to 74 for an overview of this topic.
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