Reflections of an Old Oblate

DeSales WeeklySpiritual ReflectionsChildren of God

Jul 8

I wasn’t always old. It just happened while I was working hard at whatever my ministry was at the time. In the early 1980s I was a successful high school principal in Salt Lake City, president of the priests’ council, representative of the Diocese of Salt Lake City to the regional priests’ council, and I knew every single priest in the state. (We didn’t have many in Utah, but still, I knew them all). Then I was reassigned to Toronto, Canada to serve as the formation director for our Oblate scholastics studying there.

I knew no one other than our men. No one knew me. I didn’t like it at all. So, I asked permission to do a degree in some form of adult counseling to see whether that might do something for me. I was accepted by the University of Toronto and began. It was then that I met Daniel Levenson. I met him not in person, but through his newly written book, The Seasons of a Man’s Life, which seemed to be on the reading list of every course I took. In those days, you were no one unless you brought up Levenson in conversation.

I’ll leave it to you to enjoy reading Levinson in his own voice, but I will give you a penny summary here. Levinson believed and observed it in the lives of some men, that we live in ten-year frames. Each frame begins with three years of chaos and then seven years of stability. I am a strong believer in Levinson’s theory and have used it countless times in counselling men in particular. Daniel's wife, after her husband’s death, wrote a twin book, The Seasons of a Woman’s Life, and many of the categories are the same, although some are particular to women only.

As good as Levinson’s material is, he only developed it through the 60s. Surprise though, many of us lived through our 70s and some of us are now in the 80s. So who are we? What are we struggling with?

I think I have an idea about the 70s. It is the stage of letting go, saying good-bye, divesting oneself of one thing after another. It is the time when everyone thanks you profusely and then asks for the keys!

But, what about the 80s? At the time of this reflection, I am 83. Yikes!! 83. That is old. I’m not sure whether I am in the transition stage or the seven year permanent stage of the 80’s. It is too close to tell, but there are some things I see. One, I have fewer and fewer enemies, people I seriously dislike. There are some but few. I just don’t have the energy to be angry with someone anymore. Two, I am totally happy with my decision to be an Oblate and for the community of Oblates down through the years who said in word or action “stay with us!”

I missed being present for our joint convocation last month, not because of the historic nature of the event, not because of the superb materials that were shared and the exciting plans for the future that were adopted. I missed being there because I am an Oblate and WE were there.

I’m not sure how much longer I will be here at 83 or what else the Good Lord still has to teach me, but I am sure of this:

I am an Oblate through and through. I am at peace in this life. I am grateful for all that has been and while living in the present moment I am open to what may yet be. As we say, Tenui Nec Dimittam. I have taken hold and will not let go of my Oblate identity.