Connection

Jul 16

Recently, someone shared this with me: “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection.” That is, meaningful human connection is healthier and more fundamental in overcoming addiction than abstaining from substances. Specialists will say addiction is not a substance issue but rather a social issue. I would think this is the reason in AA that it is so critical to have a sponsor (a healthy human connection) and to stay in touch with her/him on an ongoing basis. Perhaps, too, the first step in recovery, to submit oneself to a higher power, is all about connection. For many, this may be a human and a divine connection.

A few weeks ago, when the Oblates gathered at DeSales University, I noticed flags around the campus that read “connect.” Their message is that they help their students connect to God, one another, and the world in a meaningful way.

The connection focused on in this reflection is to a meaningful human relationship as opposed to a connection through social media, which, at times, can be addictive, isolating, and harmful. The adjective meaningful is equally important, as we can often be hurt from harmful and destructive relationships with another human. Lack of connection may often isolate us, withdrawing into ourselves, feeling alone, unloved, or forgotten. It may allow us to not address an issue or situation that will soon fester and become increasingly problematic. We can continue aimlessly thinking no one cares or we do not matter to anyone. The addiction may paralyze us until we bottom out, admit we need the help of another, or grab the hand of another reaching out to us.

As a person of faith, I believe we are searching for meaning and purpose, and both share the same name: God. Augustine noted that we are born with a tiny God-shaped hole, a void, that nothing can fill but the divine. Thus, he cried out: “You have made us for yourself and our hearts are restless until they rest in thee, O Lord.” I believe Thomas Aquinas was correct that our restless hearts often seek the God substitutes of power, pleasure, prestige, and money (which I call pecunia to reference them as the Four Ps). If too restless, they can become addictions, isolating us from God and one another, the God we can see now.

Let’s just examine power: the ongoing need for more that can never be satisfied. The next best, absolute must-have, doesn’t work either. When we seek power, we separate ourselves from God and the community. Henri Nouwen noted that Christ was born powerless, in complete weakness and vulnerability, to counteract darkness, to unite the divided human family, especially through mercy.

The divine reveals joy, truth, beauty, peace, and love in the disarmament of power bringing us into a connection with others. Jesus’ powerlessness shows the heart of God that invites us into relationship, connection, with God and the human family. Nouwen added that “God became human, in no way different from other human beings, to break through the walls of power in total weakness. That’s the story of Jesus. The powerlessness of the manger has become the powerlessness of the cross.” (The Path of Power, essay) Both connect us to God in a bond of love.

I wonder if when Francis de Sales wrote that “we have no bond but the bond of love,” he was exhorting us to stay connected to the God from whom we came and to whom we will return to an unbreakable bond of eternal life, eternal love. Love is the connection.