Glasses

Apr 15

I have breakfast with my parents at 7:30 a.m. most Wednesdays. This past week, my dad was excited to see me with his eyes now clear after cataract surgery. For the first time since he was six years old, he could see without glasses. Incredible!

As we were talking, he said, “Well, I have to go get glasses now.”

“Why?” I asked.

He smiled and said, “Your mom says I look older without them. Glasses cover the circles under my eyes and make me look younger.”

I tilted my head. “How do you think you look without glasses?”

My wise father replied, “Oh, it’s not about that! If I look old and I’m standing next to your mom, she says it makes her look old. We can’t have that.”

The whole time we were having this exchange, my mom stood nearby, nodding her head in approval.

My parents teach me about my vocation every day. In the Oblates, we have a phrase: “willy confrere,” meaning the will of a confrere. The idea is simple: for the sake of your brother Oblate, you yield to his preference rather than insisting on your own. This is done in matters of personal preference, not moral principles. It is a practice that beautifully unites love of God and love of neighbor.

For example, if a confrere is driving and takes a route I know is five minutes longer, but it’s the route he prefers, let it be. Take the route. Willy confrere.

My dad is buying glasses because he sees it as a matter of preference, not principle. It’s a small sacrifice, made sweet by his love for my mom. I also know they’ve been living “willy confrere” longer than I’ve been alive. And rather than feeling heavy, it has become something light.

May God be Praised!